My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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