so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
