hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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