What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
