Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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