forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
