I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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