I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
