I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
