I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
