now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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