will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
