she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize