Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
