I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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