I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
