ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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