My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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