I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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