I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
