dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
