I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
