we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
