Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
