In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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