my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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