She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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