I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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