the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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