i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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