i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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