these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
its not stalking. its research.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
