I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
