Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
