please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
