I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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