Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
