toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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