I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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