So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
