So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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