I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
