I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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