you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
