Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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