Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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