Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
