The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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