I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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