I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
