My underwear smells like fireworks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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