Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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