an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
