Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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