I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
