I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
