God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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