Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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