I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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