so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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