it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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