Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
