the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
