You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
