I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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