apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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