Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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