Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
