you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
