Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
