So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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