I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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