still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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