In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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