I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
