the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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