I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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