hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
