I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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