Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
