she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
