3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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