oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
