I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
